Me: Hi, I'm Sarah.
*a choir of voices echoes "Welcome Sarah"
Me: I am an organised procrastinator.
*subject is kindly welcomed into the comfort zone of memes, endless scrolling and list making.
To give you some context. I am just over a month away from finishing my second year of uni, thereby making april a very busy month for me. In order to cope with the work load, I initially made a plan to slowly but surely complete my work over the course of the year. If I did a little bit each week, in theory, all I would have to do at the end of the year is simply collate all of my work ... IN THEORY!
It's not that I can't focus. Surprisingly, I actually put a lot of energy into my Procrastination. For example, If you were to examine the thorough research and word count demonstrated on my twitter, you would find that I would probably have finished a couple of essays by now (the same thing could be said about this blog too). I have managed to focus and find motivation to redecorate my blog 3 times in the past 2 weeks simply because I was bored. I guess the irony of my procrastination is that I'm not necessarily being unproductive by doing it. If anything, i'm being too productive to the tiniest detail, so much so that it doesn't actually make sense anymore.
An example of this is my recent venture into the world of bullet journaling. Don't get me wrong this is a great way to stay organised, but because I am me, I am doing it so extremely that it actually takes the piss. I am not joking when I say that I've sat for hours worrying about the most efficient way to categorise my pages! When writing out my weekly to do lists, the page suddenly turns into a canvas for a Picasso-like piece of art! Seeing as I spend so much time worrying if I'm being the most efficient person I possible can be, you'd think I'd understand that if I delegated some of that time I spend making 'pretty' lists, to actually doing the things on the those lists, I could actually cross quite a few of them things off. I am completely aware, but I do it regardless. My lists just keep on growing so much so, that I now actually have lists of lists! (LIST-CEPTION!)
This issue with this is that I am definitely not a last-minute-panic kind of person. I don't have the on-foot charisma to pull that one off! I need months of planning in order to be able to hand in a mediocre piece of work at the bare minimum! This trait combined with my ability to gaze at the ceiling for hours pondering how I would react in scenarios that I've just made up (I even think about the facial expressions I would make. Does anyone else do this?), causes me to enter the big black whole of an existential crisis. However, since I have been in education my entire life (cause I'm only 21) , I have figured out a way to combat this and avoid failure.
With a bit of tomfoolery, I manage to convince my brain that the deadline is sooner then it actually is! (A PRE-DEADLINE, DEADLINE!) This way, when I go into panic mode, at least it's usually a month before my deadline, so I have plenty of time! For most people that know me, I know I many appear very calm on deadline days. This is because I have already panicked a month previous.
I guess all in all, This does make me a semi productive person (*unsure why i'm still complaining but hey). I'm just writing this because I feel that It's a strange process I've got going on. I can feel myself slowly seeping into sheer panic over all my coursework. I should also mention that when entering this mode, there is a sense of helplessness in the thought of actually being able to turn anything substantial in. This is where I am currently at.
Please reassure me in this time of crisis that I am not the only one who does this! thank you internet!
As you were x
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